The Revenge of I Shall Not Allow This!
by InvadingAngel
Summary: Miss me? Same as last time You write something that makes me twitch and I write a rebuttal mocking you cruelly. You guys know you love it R&R or don’t I don’t really care! By the way, just skip the first chapter. It would be best for all if you did.
1. Eww

If you believe in God, you probably believe in heaven and hell. You learn to accept the fact that some people will be going to hell and you work to stop yourself from heading south yourself. (I mean the fire and brimstone place not Arkansas.) I never really thought that anyone who writes a fanfiction is horrible enough (at least from the story content) to go to hell until I heard of…DAGR. Allow my to fully type that out. So that you may understand exactly how disgusting some Invader Zim fans really are, DIB (as in the twelve year old) AND GAZ (as in the ten year old sibling of Dib) ROMANCE! Ew! That's why the first chapter in my amazing return is dedicated to those sick bastards.

**Illegal **

**And for a reason**

**A sibling Romance (ew!)**

Dib sat at his desk typing up a new report about Zim. His eyes ached from staring at the screen for the hours he had been sitting there. They seemed to burn and water with every blink. He lifted his glasses and rubbed his sore eyes. Dib muttered something about needing a break, his voice cracking.

"Maybe I'll see what Gaz is up to." He mumbled. Suddenly a cold chill shot down the child's spin. His whole body shuttered violently, "Oh God…" he said, his eyes wide and his skin paler than usual, "Something just wrong is about to happen." He cringed, "I think god is angry!"

Well, of course, since this is a fan fiction conceived by Satan himself, he had no choice but to ignore the premonition and head down the hall. His legs shook as he slowly stumbled down stairs. The circulation weakly returned to Dib's numb legs. Maybe he shouldn't sit at his computer without moving for more than fourteen hours. His legs gave out and the top-heavy kid tumbled down smacking his face on every step.

"OW! Oh! Eee! Yargh!" he cried out as he toppled down. Finally he landed on his back at the bottom of the steps staring up at the ceiling with his glasses cracked and half off his face. He moaned quietly in the pain that he would find out that was a ramification of karma from future amoral acts.

"What happened to you?" a voice asked more curios than concerned. Dib slowly fixed his glasses, his arms feeling like heavy weights…that were painful, painful weights. (A/N: I haven't written a Fanfic in like a month or two give me a break I'm doing the best I can. I don't even know how to induce the…badness that is to come. I'm trying the best I can. Sort of.) Gaz was standing over him holding a can of poop soda. There's something wonderful about a soda honest about its quality. Her eyes were narrowed with her brow furrowed, as always, and her lips were set in to a grim frown. Her purple hair was curled perfectly with the tips upturned around her cheeks.

Dib blinked, his mouth agape. Maybe it was the conk to the head or maybe it was that he's always been a sick freak but at that moment Gaz looked…beautiful. (A/N: gags, then vomits all over the person who came up with the idea.) He slowly pulled himself into a sitting position on the stairs. His eyes were wide, like he had been hypnotized or something.

"Gaz…" he said in a breathy voice staring at her exquisitely pretty features. She was so beautiful, her hair so soft looking and her glare was dazzling or other incesty gross thoughts.

"Hey Gaz could you come here a sec?" he said patting the step next to him. She raised an eyebrow but still sat down, "What?" he twitched. Some thing dark controlling him made the twelve year old leaned forward and make a move on his own flesh and blood sister. Her eyes popped open when she saw his leaning in with his lips puckered. She took her soda can and crushed it into the side of his head. Dib's face smashed it to the steps cracking the wood. She stood up and glared down at him with open eyes, "Something has gone horribly wrong in your head."

"But…but…" he said reaching up his hand unable to see that she had already walked away on the count of the blood dripping into his eyes from the head wound, "I love you!" sadly. This story was so disturbingly wrong that the universe could not handle it. It promptly imploded after those three words escaped Dib's mouth.

THE END OF THE UNIVERSE….

A/N: Don't worry people the universe will reset itself in a few days when I update. I don't know if this chapter was _really_ funny. I mean up to the standards I set in the last story but I was so sickened I had to write this so that the world (you count as the world) would projectile vomit along side me at the thought of this abomination of creation. I keep mentioning puke. I shall stop now. And ask that you review, though try not to be too harsh I bruise easily. But seriously a story of DAGR does exist. I was mentioning me writing parodies to a friend on the net and accidentally typed, "DAGR" and she was like, "yeah those are gross! I actually read one and flamed it." And I'm all "they exist!" and she's like, "Uh huh." And then the monkeys attacked and I was all "Oh my god! They've got Timmy's leg!" and they…wait…what's going on? I'm so confused. I think I'll go take a nap. Farewell reader.


	2. Mother of Gaz!

Ah, now that I am no longer working on adrenaline fueled rage I can now think clearly and make a funny story of genius! You will all bow before my amazing literary abilities! AH HAHAHA! Heh, whoa! That was fun. Somebody said in their review something about me like ripping off Billy and Mandy but to tell the truth I've been reading way too much Johnny and really wanted to destroy the universe. I thought it would be a good excuse to do so if Dib became that out of character. So, no I did not plagiarize them, just Jhonen…as usual.

_**Mother of Gaz!**_

_**Another really retarded plot!**_

**_thank you idiots for giving me something to write about.)_**

Gaz sat on her newly reformed bed. The universe had just been created for the third time that month and Gaz was sick of having to reset her clock because they always would blink 12:00 when the universe was destroyed. Her room was dark and moody looking. Emo music played in the background foreshadowing some idiotic drama. The foreshadowing was, of course quite accurate. Gaz opened her eyes and glanced around her room as if someone could be watching. After a few moments of repetitive eye shifting she finally proceeded to do what she wanted to hide form the world.

Gaz began to cry. Black mascara ran down her cheeks. She covered her eyes with her hands, completely blackening them with eye make-up. She stopped crying for a moment, "Ew," she said and wiped them on her purple bedspread leaving two large black splotches. Gaz resumed her loud, I mean loud sob/scream crying.

"OH!" she shouted in out of character desperation, "Oh…. mother!" she buried her face in her hands. She stopped sobbing and sniffled quietly. Gaz pulled off her necklace and stared at it. It was from her mother, Membrane had never actually said that's where it was from but really what else makes sense than a woman giving her child a necklace with a skull pendent.

"MOTHERRRR!" Gaz screamed in sadness. Outside her door in the hall Dib dropped his soda and plugged his ears trying not to be deafened by his sister's scream.

"I really should go in there…" he said but the uncomfortable feeling from the incesty grossness remained. "But I don't think I will." He picked up his can and slunk into his room. Still shamed by some very disturbed mind.

Gaz ran her fingers over the depressing artifact, "Oh mother. Why did you leave me? It is because of that, that I became the dark negative unhappy, (even though I always seemed happy being unhappy), young girl that I am today." Cast the necklace to the floor. It clattered and all was silent like it gets in those dramas. Just silent! Sort of spooky, "It doesn't matter because I am now sad about being without a parent who cares for me! If only you were here then I wouldn't have to do this stretched out monologue!" she looked up, with an expression of inspiration, "Hey maybe I should go out with Zim," her eyes closed, "wait. No I already did that and it was stupid. I'm gonna do something _else_ that's stupid. I'm going to continue being melodramatic and now I shall melodramatically yell at my father for never telling me the truth about my long lost mother." She jumped off her bed and grabbed her skull necklace. She clasped it around her neck and walked down toward the stairs. As she came down Dib was beginning to come up. They saw each other. He grimaced, "oh um…I think I'll go harass Zim for the next seventy two hours. Or more."

"I think that would be best." She said in her cold yet deadpan voice.

"Heh, yeah." Dib said taking a step back then running out the front door. After it slammed behind him Gaz shook her head, he wouldn't be the same for the rest of the story. Gaz began to descend the steps again when there was a huge explosion at the front door. Gaz's hand flew up to protect her face from the debris.

There was a loud insane laughter, Zim's, of course. It was no surprise if there was a big explosion it was either Dib, and since he was in hiding for the next three days…well that left only one possibility. She glared down the stairs at him, "What do you want Zim?" she leaned on the banister.

He was standing atop some giant alien device. It was made of purple metal and had tentacles lashing around wildly. Gir was hanging on to one of them being thrashed around, seeming to be enjoying himself.

"Dib's not home." She said dully as though this was the sort of occurrence that happened every day…well it did but _still._ Zim's laughter stopped immediately, "He's not? Oh…well then how 'bout this!" he dropped to knee and held out his gloved hand, "Gaz my scary sweet…join me?" his hand balled in to a fist for effect, "Together we will defeat the humans!" even though her eyes remained closed you could just feel them rolling. Zim's purple contact covered eyes were huge with hope.

"Dear God. Is the author trying to fit _every_ Gaz fic in to one? What's next I become suicidal?" Zim glanced around and reached into his pack pulling out a three-page computer print out. He began to thumb through it.

"Uh…no that's later on." He flipped to the second page, "See, first you've got to descend back in to the pits of motherless misery you were in before." Her eyebrow raised. Zim coughed uncomfortably, "Eh, so is that a no to becoming the only human invader, ever? You know despite the fact that there are only thirty two real invaders, and nothing can change that?" (A/N: I did my research. That's how many there really are. So shut _up_!) Gaz picked up a random piece of rubble and chucked it at Zim's head. He fell back, completely limp. The tentacle finally thrashed enough to send Gir flying in to a wall.

"Besides! We already did that story!" she shouted at the probably dead invader.

Gaz ground her teeth together causing small sparks, "One…more interruption…. Just one more." She threatened to nobody in particular. The ten year old waited a few seconds then decided it was okay and went down the stairs. She actually made it to Membrane's lab without having to mortally injure anyone.

She pushed the door open to find her dad at his usual workstation creating something that probably didn't need to be brought in to this world. She glared at his back. There was nothing to do but confront him in the most dignified and mature attention grabbing way.

"DAD! WHY HAVE'NT YOU TOLD ME ANY THING ABOUT MY MOTHER? OBVIOUSLY SHE LOVED ME MORE THAN YOU BECAUSE SHE GAVE ME THIS!" Gaz thrust the necklace at him. Membrane just stared at her, it was impossible to figure out his expression with his mouth covered and his eyes shielded by goggles.

"Mother? Daughter, what are you talking about?" she could see his eyebrow raise, "You don't have a mother. And you never did." There was silence a few seconds. Gaz pulled a copy of this fic out of her pocket, it was all crumpled from being shoved in her pocket, "Okay your words and the dialogue match but I don't get it." She said tossing it to the floor carelessly.

"Well you see daughter, I wanted to see if I could create life using SCIENCE! I made your brother but something just seemed off about him so I tried again and made you. Sweet heart your mother never left you because you never had one." Gaz thought a moment, "That's really weird. Is it true or something this psycho author came up with?"

"Mostly true. She doesn't know the meat of the story just the general idea."

"So is this the point when I decide to kill myself? Cause it usually goes with the mommiless dramatic daughter thing." She said crossing her arms, "I'm filled with horrible rage but it's not toward myself. Its toward the idiots who would put me in one of their pointless dramas!"

"only if you feel like it but I must get back to work." He turned back to the consol completely not caring that his child was contemplating suicide. Gaz thought a moment, "I really don't feel like committing an unforgivable sin. Damn this author and her constant church references!" Gaz screamed, her fists shaking in front of her face. She suddenly stopped, "I quite." She walked off the set in to her trailer. YES! THAT'S RIGHT! This has suddenly gone from story to story where characters know it's a story to a movie! Whoa! I love inconsistencies!

Well Gaz Quite so I guess this is the END… 

Okay. I'm happier with that chapter than the last. It was much longer. Oh and to those who asked, we never did get Timmy's leg back. Now he uses a 1980's cell phone as a leg. I don't even know what I mean by what I say any more.

Well here's something I think we both need to be clear on. I've got two plots left. 1) Irkens Invade 2)SAZR, so I'm going to need ideas, LOTS OF IDEAS! Or I might redo chapters in this one from the other way that they are done. Rather than Dib hitting on Zim having it be vise versa so. give me some ideas! Or else suffer. And I wouldn't complain about getting a few reviews.


	3. Skoodge poor Skoodge

In response to a review, I never said you flamed me! I said a review. Uh it means Skoodge and Zim. Yes there actually is at least one Dib and Gaz fic. It was a step brother/step sister bull shit. Totally icky. And don't worry…the harassment will be returned to its rightful place. I've been thinking and you stick with what works. The first chapter, I noticed really distracted the readers well don't worry there wont be any chapters THAT gross again. Now on to the gayness!

_**Skoodge/ Zim romance… **_

_**Shutter**_

Skoodge screeched in horror as his ship plummeted through the atmosphere. He knew this would hurt really, _really_ bad! It was quite sad, Skoodge's story. He was sent to Blorch home of the slaughtering rat people and half expected to be killed. He managed to survive that and conquer the planet before any other invader destroyed theirs, but when he proudly told the tallest and was to receive an award…poor Skoodge was launched out of a canon at the planet he had worked so hard to destroy. Some how he had made it through that and returned to Irk. The Tallest immediately sent him to Hobo 13 where, yet again his demise was expected. And despite being crushed by a drill sergeant's ass he came back to Irk for more punishment.

With a final attempt to rid themselves of the short Invader, Skoodge Tallest Red (the smart one, TALLEST RED RULES, literally he rules a multitude of planets.) said, "Eh… Zim isn't progressing as he should. You're to assist him in his mission."

"But I thought that was just a big joke to get rid of him…" Skoodge had replied.

"Yes well…get going Invader Skoodge and good luck to you!"

Red has said hastily pushing Skoodge into a Voot Runner. That had been six months ago and it hadn't been a good ship that Red had pushed him into. Skoodge had been grateful to see the planet but now, what with its gravitational pull, was finding it less appealing. He screamed even louder as he watched the metal strip off the sides and ever-growing flames rising from his engines, "AAAIIE!" he screamed strapping himself in. More or less fifteen feet above the ground he stopped screaming closed his eyes, clenched his teeth, and braced himself for the impact.

The impact forced Skoodge from his seat when his slipped out of the seldom used, not that reliable, seat belt. His face smacked the partially broken glass window. He groaned and crawled out of the wreckage through the broken door.

"Must…find…Zim." He muttered and passed out on the grass and burst in to flames, "AIIIEEE!"

Dib tapped his pen on the edge of his notebook. There was one line written on it, _Zim is still being evil... despite the fact that he hasn't left all day_. _EVIL! _Then there was a doodle of Zim lying on the ground with Xs for eyes as a Dib-esk character stood over him grinning.

Dib sighed heavily two days and no activity. The large headed paranormal investigator stood up stretching his sore limbs. He began to crawl out of the bush when his ankle became twisted in a low branch. His jaw hit the dirt, his teeth snapped together, hard. Dib just couldn't seem to get a break, physical injury, psychological injury, and physical injury again. Slowly Dib opened his eyes. Through the leaves he could see a short squat child walking up Zim's walkway. Dib shook his head a little as he slowly got off the ground. The fat little boy knocked on the door. It swung open and Zim poked his head outside. At first his expression was angry then surprised then sullen as he let the boy in. Dib's hands slipped out from underneath him, causing him to fell back down.

"What the _hell_?" (A/N: I know. They don't cuss but I thought it was valid.)

The _hell_ that Dib was questioning could be answered simply if he could hear the dialogue between the two. Since he cannot, he will be left in confusion, but sine I am a merciful author I will clue you in!

_**A few seconds earlier…**_

A fat squat little boy straightened his shirt staring in to piece of shinny metal. His disguise as a human looked perfect, really. His skin was a peachy white color behind a pair of glasses he had dark green eyes. He wore a Mudvyane tee shirt and blue jeans with converses. He was so normal looking it was boring to describe him! Skoodge would never stand out in a crowd, not in a hundred years! He raised his peach hand and knocked on Zim's front door. Some where in the bowls of the house loud alarms sounded. Skoodge covered his fake ears to shield them from the sound. He glanced around; surely it wasn't normal on this planet to assault the ears of a visitor.

Seconds later the door swung and an annoyed Zim glared at him, "What do you want _human_?" Zim spat angrily. Skoodge stared at the other Irken definitely Zim, he looked exactly the same…green skin, that agitated look….that dreamy posture…Skoodge shook his head. He'd have to put his old crush behind him, "Hiya Zim! Its me Skoodge!" Zim's invisible eyebrow raised, "Skoodge." He repeated. There was pause where he seemed to be thinking, his expression drifted to a dreamy look…Skoodge his long lost love. No! Not now, he commanded himself.

"Eh, um hurry before any humans see you. Your disguise is _disgusting_!" he said as he ushered the other Irken into his domain. It was a repulsive human costume it made Skoodge look so much like them that it left Zim feeling sullen and annoyed.

Skoodge settled on Zim's couch and turned the dial on his old fashion watch, there was a small flash as he fazed back to cute little Irken Skoodge. Zim pulled out his contacts and tossed aside his wig. the two stared at each other in comfortable silence for a long time before Zim spoke.

"It's been a long time Skoodge." His mind returned to the days of them training together on an Irken military planet whose name I am blanking on. He remembered walking past Skoodge in the hall and blushing a deeper shade of green. He would always scurry away because as we all know, Irkens fear commitment.

"Uh…" Skoodge finally said, his face that same blushed green as Zim's was in that creepy flashback, "The tallest have sent me to assist you in your conquest of this unworthy dirt ball." Zim's eyes narrowed. He opened his mouth to say something about needing no one when he tripped and fell on to the couch beside Skoodge. (A/N: Aw man….too grossed out to continue! And yet I do any way.)

They gazed into each other's red eyes. Slowly their faces inched closer as suddenly they heard some one shout, "FUCK! Oh, fuck!" the front door swung opened. There stood a twenty something year old girl with paper white skin and purple pigtails. She was wearing a light purple jacket over a black half tee with a silver square in the center of the chest and red pants that lead in to a pair of knee high boots. She was panting as though she had run the whole way there (well she had but still). She leaned on the doorway catching her breath, "Sorry…I'm…late." She took a few deep breaths, "I was working on this new piece and…anyway that doesn't matter. The author sent me."

"Why?" demanded an enraged Zim, "This is extremely in character behavior, right Skoodge!"

"Right!" chirped the short, ugly invader. Devi shook her head, "Uh fuck no, it is not. You don't hate Skoodge necessarily," the two exchanged a vindicated look before she continued, "_But"_ she said stressing the word, "You think you're way better than him." The purple haired girl said to the thinner of the two invaders, "You think he's a pathetic loser!"

Skoodge looked hurt. Tears appeared at the corners of his eyes. Devi turned her attention on him. She sighed heavily hating being out of the house and not working and having to stop two midget aliens from making the populous puke, "Don't think your so innocent. If you had this gay crush on Zim as some people imply you do then why wouldn't you have called him and said something about the banishing? Do ya get it?" she anxiously shifted her weight from foot to foot. She really just wanted to go home, the canvas needed to be tended to needed to be finished, what if some one only half created a baby. Then you'd have half a baby and what good is a half a baby to anyone?

"I get it. I get it alright!" Skoodge shuttered, "Ew…" he hit his watch, which made him look like a boring little earth kid. He rushed out of the house sickened to go vomit until his squiggly spooch bled. Zim glanced around a little then finally asked, "Erm…how did you get in without setting off my security?"

"Author turned it off."

"How the hell did she do that?" he asked cocking his head to the side, horrified by the powers the author held over his security. If she wanted she could have him exposed (yes I could. Cool power trip!).

"She wrote it off. Now I got to get meself home before Tenna notices that I left. If she finds out she'll drag me to that cool new noodle house." With that she raced out, with surprising speed considering how tall her boots are. Zim looked around awkwardly and went down to his lab to destroy one of the laser weasels that might make him feel better.

_**THE END OF ANOTHER DISTURBING CHAPTER….**_

Hey I've noticed your reviews have been consumed by being distracted by the first chapter well don't worry no more incest! I promise on your soul that there will be no more. (hey I'm not gonna swear on my soul, I'm Catholic!) Thanks for all the story ideas I'm sooo gonna use them. Thanks again. Invading Angel 0:-) -that's an angel!


	4. A horrible love triangle of Doom

"Oh crap!" Tak screamed as she pounded her fists on the side of her ship. She had been here ever since she had left Zim in the third chapter or _I Shall Not Allow This_, (possibly the greatest story ever written). She spun around and slammed her back against the side of the ship, "Well damn…if this doesn't work than I have one clear option. I have to pretend to live here on earth and go back to school. (A/N: WTF!) It only makes sense! Her green skin phased pale and her purple eyes turned white with purple irises. Details about her outfit changed like the Irken Insignia being added to the chest changed. She was now ready to face the school…again.

Dib sighed as he rolled a pencil back and forth on his desk. Ms Bitters was going on about something or another. Mostly it was about how decay would set in on the brain faster than any other body part. Just going on and on…

"For some unfortunate individuals the rot begins before blood stops pumping! I'm sure at least seven out of all of you have begun the process of decaying your own mind. Though that's not necessarily a bad thing. Once your mind has been hallowed out it leaves room for your school or government to fill with the information we want you to know." Dib raised an eyebrow. Suddenly the door burst open with a blaze of fire and debris. The door was shattered in to more or less fifty pieces for the girl's grand entry. Tak stood there with her eyes narrowed. Ignoring the fact that this was completely conspicuous she just grinned, "Hi. I'm back." Nobody really cared except for two large headed boys. Dib's eyes were large with shock and Zim's were narrowed in rage.

"Tak!" they both shouted in union. Dib fell out of his seat while Zim bolted from his. Tak saw Dib fall and giggled like a little girl. He was so cute when he face down on the floor in pain. She gasped a little. Tak couldn't let her remaining feelings for Dib get in her way of whatever I said was her goal! (I seriously can't remember. I could go back and read it but then what I kind of a lazy person would I be?)

The alien opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted by the lunch bell ringing. The kids stampeded out of the classroom leaving only the three abnormal freaky ones left. Tak stumbled back from against the wall where she had been shoved by the heard of vile forth graders. Her eyes focused on the frighteningly large headed kid gathering his books, glaring at Zim. Her heart pounded in her chest (well it would if she had a heart but _still_).

Zim shouted, "Tak monster! You will not interfere with Zim's plans…" he swallowed she looked so beautiful but he had to remember that she was the enemy who tried to steal his precious mission, not to mention the robot bee. (A/N: I have seriously read FF where there is this retarded love triangle! Man people are stupid…no offense to those who write those! Okay…a little offense should be taken.)

Zim stomped off in to the hall leaving the soon to be Boyfriend/Girlfriend! (Shutters) Dib walked up to Tak he narrowed his eyes to glare at her. He felt no emotional emotions for her so that's why it as such a shock when she jumped him.

Tak couldn't take it anymore. She was in love with Dib and he had to know! Tak practically tackled him to the ground locking their lips together in a passionate blah, blah, blah!

Dib's eyes widened in shock. He shoved her off of him and inched back a little wiping the Irken saliva from his lips, "Tak! What's the matter with you?" she pouted her lips.

"Geese, you should appreciate that a great Irken like me would ever be interested! What are you, gay?" she asked annoyed.

"I'm not gay just cause I don't want to make out with an alien!"

"Tak!" Zim hissed from the door, "how could you…with the enemy?" he looked at her desperately. YES! What all those Internet writers wrote was true! Zim was madly, sickly, stalkerly in love with Tak! And he had just seen her exchange fluids via the mouth with the Dib worm, oh woe this was a pain like no other! Woe and misery! The woman he loved had betrayed him!

Dib scratched his head, "I am confused and…"

"EEEEK!" they heard a high-pitched scream as something small fell from the ceiling. (A/N: no! it couldn't be! Would I sink so low as to force him to do a cameo! Yes. Yes I would)

A small boy with messy black hair, large scared eyes, a stripped shirt and shorts holding a bear had landed on Mrs. Bitters' desk. The child held his bear tight to his chest as he nervously looked around.

"Ha! Tiny scared worm baby!" Zim had to be happy. Finally someone shorter than him!

"Eh, who are _you_?" Tak asked getting to her feet. Dib was still on the floor in shock. The little boy got a determined look on him face, "I'm Todd. The scary guy with glasses sent me. His glasses are so scary…you can't see his eyes! What's with his eyes? Squee!"

Little Squee shook his head, "Anyways I was sent here to tell you once again. Tak does not belong in romances with you guys. So stop it! And…and…uh you, uh you're not supposed to fall in love. That, eh emotion is useless to Irkens." He lowered his head and listened intently to his bear. He turned to Dib with a meaningful look in his eye, "You may be right about Zim and the bad things in the world," Dib smiled suddenly liking this jumpy kid, "But you're still crazy and your head is spooky!" well so much for liking this kid. Dib glared at no one in particular just feeling annoyed.

Tak grimaced. There really was no need for these emotions. She slowly backed out of the doorway. The raced back in and kicked Zim hard in the knee cap, "You still ruined my life!" then scurried off. Leaving the boys to stand awkwardly. Squee slid off the desk and race out of the room. They were silent for a while before Dib snickered, "You were in love with Tak!" Zim's eye twitched.

"Yeah well you kissed it!" he hissed not even calling Tak a her. Dib glared. He walked slowly toward the doorway then kicked Zim hard in the other knee and ran away just before the bell rang signaling the end of lunch. A stampede of students stormed in crushing the injured Zim.

"Ow…" he moaned from the ground.

THE END OF ANOTHER HORRID CHAPTER!

Yeah sorry it took forever to update. Hey some of you are asking me to write things I wrote in I shall not allow this. So seriously, this is not a plug, read it. It comes before the revenge! So go review this and read that! Okay I love you guys! Angel


	5. INVASION!

Hello my devout readers and flamers. Nods at the DAZRers in the corner, "Hiss!" Well anyway. Sorry that its taken me sooo long to update but I have a few reasons, drama club, poetry club, JPA, Student Council, Catholic Youth Group, Volunteer Work and grades! It's all a bit time consuming. Plus I'm working on a novel I want to get published so…yeah you know. Well anyway on the advice of a reader I have written a chapter where we take a break from mocking the romantics and instead mock the….

_**INVASION!**_

Tallest Red and Tallest Purple sat in front of a monitor with donuts half sticking out of their mouths. Their claw like Irken hands were wrapped around X Box controllers. (A/N: that earth reference was intentional. For those people who have a tendency to throw in human made items. Hits the reader with a stick _don't do that_!)

"Hey!" purple screamed as his purple- armored halo guy fell to the ground.

"Sorry." Red said lazily with a shrug, "Its just that your really bad at this." He hit pause and sighed, "I'm bored. Hey!" he turned to his friend, "Wanna do something really OOC?" Purple slid his chair away a bit further.

"No. We did that in the last story." Red rolled his eyes, "Not_ that_! Let's invade earth."

"Uh why?" Purple asked annoyed with the stupid request.

"Because its so out of character!" he said as though it were the most obvious thing in the world, get bored get out of character. Simple.

"Sure. That's some thing to do with the afternoon." He said with a shrug.

_ON EARTH IN THE SECRET BOWELS OF ZIM'S HOUSE_

BEEP, BEEP, BEEP an alarm whaled as Zim chased Dib out of the base. Dib fell on his face, a camera clutched tightly in his hands. Zim fallowed him out the front door and shouted loudly so any passer bys or neighbors could hear, "GNOMES CAPUTER THE INTRUNDER! He's going to expose your master's secret base!" Two gnomes slid over the grass and each grabbed one of Dib's arms with their tiny little ball hand…thingies.

"Yegh! Gah! Ahh!" Dib shouted making those weird ass noises he always does. Zim ran up to him menace in his eyes. He rubbed his hands together like a batman villain.

"You've tried to expose Zim for the last time human. This time I will actually destroy you! Yes! The end of the Dib thing!" Dib's eyes got huge with fear. Well _huger_, he already has pretty big eyes.

Just as Zim took a step closer encroaching on his soon to be victim a new alarm went off and the computer shouted, "ALERT THERE'S A PHONE CALL!"

"Later!" Zim hissed.

"BUT SIR, IT'S THE TALLEST!"

"Tallest?" Zim's eyes widened with surprise. He raced inside, slamming to the door shut behind him. Dib just stood there for a while (technically he wasn't standing because the gnomes had lifted him a few inches off the ground and held him there). Then he started to struggle making those exertion noises again. He panted out of breath after a few minutes of doing that. Then turned to the gnome on his right, "can you let me go?" he asked hopefully. The robot did nothing. He sighed. Maybe Zim would come out to torture me soon and he could escape.

Inside Zim ran to the trashcan and dove inside. He began to talk to himself, "The tallest calling Zim? Well why would they not? Zim is great! Zim deserves to be called upon by his mighty leaders!" and so on…

Finally the Irken made it to the computer. The tallests were sitting there lazily, not really enthusiastic about making this call.

"My Tallest!" Zim said, bowing deeply.

"Yeah uh Zim," Red started, "We're just callin' to tell you the armada is on its way."

"But!" Zim said distraught, "I haven't conquered the humans and turned them in HUMAN SLAVES!" he began to swipe at the air as though he were hitting slaves.

"Well we've decided your ready to be ruler." Purple chimed in, "Yup once we destroy the planet we are giving it to you to do with as you please just like you've always dreamed."

"Really!" Zim asked awe struck, "W-when will you arrive?" there was a loud crash and the image on the screen shook.

"About thirty seconds ago." Red said shoving some chips in his mouth. Zim ran out in his yard, past Dib who was kicking and shouted something he hadn't heard. The massive was sitting in the middle of the street. It had crushed some of the houses near by but really who cared about them?

Suddenly the door swung open and Irken soldiers swarmed out. Dib turned his head and squeaked, "Wha!" within the hour the earth was completely under Irken control. All the humans were for some reason now dressed in ratty torn clothes and stood staring up at their new ruler. Zim. He was wearing his ruler hat. That said, "I Is The Ruler, cool huh?" Dib was still in Zim's front yard being held by the gnomes. His clothes were still intact. Wait but they shouldn't be. Ah the problem shall be remedied. Watch.

A random person ran up to him and smiled, "Hi!" she said waving the scissors.

"Quick let me go!" he begged her for help. She shook her dyed neon green hair, "No way!" she flashed a braces covered smile, "I'm a Zim fangirl! I've always dreamed of the day Zim would take over the world…" she said with a blissful smile and cheeks reddening from blushing.

"You_ idiot_! Zim's going to kill you! And all your family and friends! Doesn't that mean anything to you?" he asked desperately. She shook her head, still smiling, "Nope!" she cut off one of his sleeves and tore the collar of his jacket and threw some mud on his cheek.

"Now you look enslaved!" she said brightly and ran back in to the crowd.

"Why isn't anyone smart enough to know this is bad?" he asked horrified at the stupidity that was going on. On a giant stage with a smoke machine and lasers shooting off Zim stood with the tallest, being all rulery. He laughed manically.

"No human can stop me!"

"That's were your wrong!" A voice shouted. Everyone turned around and saw over a thousand girls standing there with fire in their eyes.

"Who are you earth monkeys?" Zim demanded. A girl, probably about fifteen years old wearing a Zim tee and blue jeans stepped forward, "We are the _obsessive _scary fan girls! We're the ones who freak out about any mistake in fanfictions whether it being a name misspelled or a character acting Ooc!" she pointed a sharp looking finger at Zim and the tallest, "And this is most definitely Ooc!"

Dib raised an eyebrow, "God. We have to have reached pretty damn low place for fan girls to be correcting the story!" A blonde with Gir earrings ran up to Dib and screamed, "THEY DON'T CUSS ON ZIM! THE EVIL NICK WOULD NEVER ALLOW IT!" spraying spit on his face. She stopped, "Wow Dib! Wanna see a picture I drew of you?" she asked holding up a crappy looking sketch.

"Dude." Said the leader one, "focus!" the girl took one last longing glance at Dib and said, "Okay!" and trotted back to the mob.

"Now." Said the leader of the obsessive fangirls, "FLAM THIS STORY!" one tapped her on the shoulder, "eh since we're in the story…shouldn't we right it ourselves?"

"Yeah…" said the leader thinking, "That might work…" she looked around. Zim was just staring at them with a raised eyebrow.

"ATTACK!" she screamed suddenly. The angry mob of fangirls swarmed and began to attack.

"ALSO ATTACK!" commanded Zim. The Zim fangirls leapt out from the audience of enslaved humans. The green haired one shouted, "We wont let you take this away from our Zimmy!" and the epic battle began!

Unfortunately, girls who spend all their time watching and studying every detail of a cartoon aren't very fit. So the battle mostly consisted of punching for fifteen minutes then a break. Then kicking anyone who couldn't get up after the break. This sort of fighting waged on for hours until at last only one type of fangirl was left standing. Obsessive fangirls!

"Tallest!" shouted the new leader of the OFGs (old one was killed in battle, very sad), "Return to your ship and return to ignoring and avoiding Zim!" the tall Irkens looked at each other and shrugged, "Okay." They began to walk about in to their ship arguing about whether to play Halo on X Box or City Of Heroes on the PC.

"wait!" shouted Zim racing after them, "But I was going to rule!"

"Too bad." Said Purple shutting the door behind him. Zim dropped to his knees. A fangirl ran up and grabbed his Ruler Hat.

"NOOOOOOO!" he shouted. The former slaves looked around bored and began to disperse. Zim mopingly dragged himself inside and shut the door behind him.

Dib looked around. Everybody had left, "Hey!" he shouted, "Zim! Let me down! Zim!" the blinds in Zim's windows dropped. A newspaper blew by, "Somebody!" Dib screamed, "Anybody!" a tumbleweed blew by.

THE END…

Awww! Poor Dibby! Hee, hee. Can you believe it? Fangirls! Yes I believe this plot is so wrong that it was worthy of an army that has been laying in wait for a battle of EPIC SIZE! Heh, fangirls…well like I said, sorry for the wait but I think that was a damn good chapter and I'm proud so anybody who doesn't like it can go to hell. And I say that in the nicest way possible. Please review! It would make me oh so very happy!

P.S. Nobody throw a fit. I wasn't calling YOU out of shape I was calling the other obsessive fangirls out of shape. So calm the hell down and review!


	6. Human, filthy stinking human!

_**The Horrible transformation of Doom**_

_**Aka Zim becomes Human**_

But first a word from the character Dib. Some things have come to his attention that he wants to rant…I mean speak about. Now Dib DO YOUR THING! (This means I don't have to write dialogue! He's just gonna rant! Score!)

The room is completely dark except for a single beam of light shining from some unseen light fixture. A boy with a rather large head steps out of the shadows and in the light. He clears his throat, "Erm. Excuse me! Excuse me! Hi, uh my name is Dib, _Mothman_ to some of you. Okay. Let me just start by saying I've gotten used to it, mostly…the stuff you people put on the Internet. But the other day I came across not only a Dib _suicide_ but also a Dib cutting himself while listening to Emo music and crying story! I know I can't say this on Nick but I'll say it on the net. What the **_hell_**?

"Look even if my schedule did permit enough time for me to gain an interest in music it sure wouldn't be Emo! I've got way too many things to do; I've no time to sit around crying about how miserable my life is. I mean I am way too busy protecting life to trying to take my own! Okay? I mean really!" He twitched a little, "And another thing!" before he could finish a purple claw wrapped around his middle and yanked him in to the darkness, "Yargh!" he screamed then fell silent.

A green skinned child looking being stepped in to the light, "Hello Earthworms! It is I, your beloved future ruler, ZIM!" he began to pace leaving the spot light every now and then. He began his ramble, "There has been a lot of FILTHY talk about the Dib and Zim. Or about The Dib's scary sister and me or a female calling herself "Mary Sue". They are all LIES!" he hissed turning his claws into fists, "LIES I SAY! Zim does not _love_ and now finally, finally the filthy author of this story has gotten proof! PROOF I SAY!" he faced the darkness, "Filthy author! Tell them, tell them all!"

A simi squeaky voice in the darkness responded, "Stop calling me filthy! I_ just _took a shower!"

"Hideous Author Girl! Do as Zim commands!" there was a sigh and in a monotone voice the author read, "Quote: If I were able to love, Mini Moose, I might love you! But I cant. End quote, excerpt from the unaired episode Nubs Of Doom, the introduction of Mini Moose."

"Good Writing Slave!" he complimented then shouted, "Now be gone!" there was a quiet thump, thump from sneakers hitting the tile floor as the _writing slave_ went back to her computer. Zim turned back to face the reader, "Now Stink Monster, prepare yourself…prepare for a horror like no other…prepare for," Zim shuttered, "For the beloved Irken Zim, to become," he twitched, "A miserable filthy stinking dooky filled h-h-human." the spotlight faded.

Zim sat in his lab and sighed, "Oh look at them and their filthy joy!" he was watching several monitors where his classmates were frolicking. There was one of Gretchen skipping rope and laughing before her foot became entangled and she fell on her face. Slowly she raised her head revealing broken braces. He sighed again and looked at another monitor. Kids were holding hands and swaying, "We love being human, being human, being human, being human is great!" they sang, "Humanity, humanity, Yay humanity! Any alien would kill to become human, cause being human is fun! Yay!" Zim began to think, "Hmm. It would help my mission to become human. That way I would _really_ look inconspicuous!" he hopped out of the chair and walked across the room and said, "Lucky I just invented this species changer machine this morning. Yup sure is a good thing."

It was a massive purple machine. Some of the wires were almost up to Zim's knee. There was a large computer console and all this lead up to the giant purple chamber with red bolts and stuff. Zim's finger flew over the keyboard and a picture appeared of a him and then one of a human the pictures slid over each other and Zim hit enter. Zim ran up the stair and hit the door close button. As the doors slid shut he heard someone, a girl shout, "_Like_ NO!" but it was too late the doors slid shut completely. Smoke filled the chamber there was nothing they could do. Too late.

"OH GAWD, do I have a god? THE PAIN THE PAIN! THIS SHOULD NOT HURT SO MUCH! ARGHH!"

They stood with their hands on their hips with the ruffly pompoms clutched tightly. They shifted the weight lazily from right foot to left while listening to Zim screaming in agony.

Finally the doors slid open, smoke rolled out as some one fell out and then down the steps. He landed at the person's feet.

"That is horrific." They muttered. Zim was pale, pale like Dib. His, half open eyes were brown almost pink looking. He had short spiky hair with two spikes that seemed to stick out taller than any others, like antennas. The person kicked him and Zim bolted to his feet. Quickly he yanked off his glove and happily admired his new pale ass skin (yeah we're all so happy to see we look like an albino).

"Success!" he shouted, "I'm over come with feelings! Like I want to go find Zita or Gaz and have really retarded romance with them where I end up growing old with them and marrying them! Yes!"

"Gimme an N! Gimme an O! What's that spell? Hell NO!" said a perky yet sinister voice. The human Zim looked up at the person. It was cheerleader! She was tall and extremely thin. She wore bright pink shoes, loose white socks, a pink and black pleated skirt and a pink tee with a V over the right side of the chest. She had pure white eyes and long black pigtails.

"A cheerleader!" Zim asked half horrified, half wanting to get her phone number. He was after all, a human boy, which meant, he was an even bigger idiot.

"Nope, stupid! I'm Senor Satan!" he looked around. Satan? That was part of earth religion wasn't it, "Am I going to hell?" he asked confused. She shook her head, back and forth, "No but your putting the readers through it by becoming a human!" she thrust the pompoms together and cheered, "Stop, stop, stop! You've got to be a freaky stupid alien rah rah rah!" she jumped, "That's why they like you in the first place, if your human you'll be about as liked as Dib!" Zim's eyes grew huge in horror,

"Not as bad as the Dib!"

"Nope! Worse because you'll be o-so boring!"

"But what about a story where I marry Gaz or Zita?" Satan shook his head and giggled, "I think not. The majority of the time you end up having a gay marriage with Dib! Ew!" Zim stumbled back in the steps, "NO!" he shouted, "Not as a human!" his eyes couldn't get any bigger, "Not with Dib! Noo!" He ran up the stairs and in to the machine. The doors slid shut, "Rah, rah, rah! Someone's got to kill this fic once and for all!" the devil lifted his leg and brought it down hard on a big red button activating the machine.

"Well!" she said suddenly the perky girliness of her voice had disappeared. It was replaced with a cool, dark, smooth male's voice, "I best be going. Today is Pepito's birthday and I would not wish to miss it. There was a flash and it disappeared leaving no trace of evidence of his presence except for a soon to be extra terrestrial screaming in blood curdling pain.

"THE PAIN THE PAAAAIIIIIN!"

THE END…THE EEEENNNND!

Any way. I thought that was amusing. I've enjoyed not having to do romance for EVERY chapter. If you can think of another nonromantic story that makes you scream and shake the computer monitor than tell me. Oh and any other characters who can intervene. Alright review please! See ya in the next chapter!


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